There is the thought, in zen belief systems, of all emotions and feelings being equal. That all is balanced, in accordance. That all is harmonized, united with all else.
In my on-going quest to learn the Release Lesson (so I don’t have to fucking repeat it!), I very much strive to get there. I practice calming, breathing, re-centering. I look with kind eyes, and I hear with an open heart.
At least, that’s the idea. That’s where I want to be. In reality, I stumble. I falter. I fall down.
But see, that basic tenet, of all being in balance, says that my rough patches are exactly part of what keeps me engaged with the teachings. In my failures, there are successes. In my pain, there is growth.
And truly, I love that aspect. I so enjoy the knowledge that with each shard of stabbing grief, there is an equally intense draping of joy. That when we are immersed in sorrow, we can then pass through it into happiness.
Even as I question why this part of the journey took nearly 60 years, I also realize with full understanding that it HAD to take this amount of time. Partly because time is meaningless. But also, because this is where I’m supposed to be right now.
During the course of this (and mostly any) life there have been painful years, ignorant years, rage-filled years, starvation years. Were there opportunities missed, mistakes made? Was I supposed to move through that piece of the road in that way, in order to fully appreciate what came after?
There is no way for us to answer any questions like this here, wearing these bodies. On days when the low is stronger than the high, in moments of pain and sorrow, it seems to not take quite as much effort as it previously did to find my path, to get back on course.
As I sit with the feelings, both sides of them, I attempt to witness my balance. To be present in the journey. I come here, I go to work, I share what I have learned, what I am learning.
The above is from Jack Kornfield, who first brought this concept to my attention. If we can stop for one brief moment, each day, regaining our balance, we will have given ourselves the gift of intention. What I’m finding is that, this present experience, this right now, has value. Let’s treasure it.
Tomorrow we load up and head back to the coast. I’m so happy that we get to make TWO trips! And on top of all the other traveling we’ve already done this summer. It’s exciting. Slightly stressful, what with packing and knowing I’ll forget something, bit mostly it’s been fun. Before we drive off though, I’ll set up the next post (with probably only our card) then try to check in once we’ve arrived. Brookings is our first destination.
This afternoon Dan got as far as he could on the fence project, and then we ran a few errands, via bike. Stopped in to see Anna at the shop, and had her replace all of my brake pads. (I had a slow-moving bash, right into the garage door yesterday as I came home, thought I had more halting power than I did.) We picked up a set for Daniel’s rear tire, he can do his own labor when we get back, not an emergency situation like mine were.
Is it a peach or an orange?!
Saw this in the parking lot before we rode around the block and purchased a few apples (for road snacks). Florida, so …. orange. J.D. got a package on the doorstep earlier, another mile or two along, and we delivered that to his car. Bikes in the elevator again! The only thing that got left un-done was my new Pen O’ The Month club membership.
We went in to look for something specific a few weeks ago, but I was hot and frustrated, couldn’t find anything like what we needed, so we just left. About an hour ago I realized that we’ll run out of week while we’re away, and if you don’t start the punch card this month, you don’t get entered into the prize drawing at the end.
I’ve had a perfect record every year since I won the first time, like well over a decade ago. And we COULD have gone in today! Blergh. Instead, we’ll make a quick detour before we hit the freeway (my driver will want a drive-thru coffee anyway, and there’s a Dutch Bros about two blocks away, because ya know, we vote with our hard-earned dollars).
Yard crops.
The first radish. And today’s batch of blueberries. I wasn’t out there to pick anything, but I could see the bright purple-red colored part of it sticking up out of the dirt, and when I DID pick it, all of that greenery came along with. I think my thinning was lax. Won’t make a bit of difference when I put all of it into a salad later.
Just a few minutes ago I heard a bunch of rustling noises. Loud noises. I checked around, not Dan, not Max. Oh. Behind me. Outside! There is a herd of turkeys traipsing around in the back yard!
Baby and mama.
Can you see them? I’m surprised you can’t HEAR them! What are they here to say? Walk boldly and get what you need, maybe. Take care of your family (chosen or blood related) and enjoy the time we spend together, wherever you gather.
(I’m very much enjoying these bonus messages lately. Thank You, whoever is sending them our way.)
On our card altar today I went with only two for the daily draw, instead of that usual three we’ve been doing with this deck. It’s coming to an end, in only a few more rotations, and the numbers aren’t going to fall evenly.
“Awakening ~ VII ~ Major Arcana
The veil of illusion, or maya, that has been keeping you from perceiving reality as it is, is starting to burn away. The fire is not the heated fire of passion, but the cool flame of awareness. As it burns the veil, the face of a very delicate and childlike buddha becomes visible.
The awareness that is growing in you now is not the result of any conscious ‘doing,’ nor do you need to struggle to make something happen. Any sense you might have had that you’ve been groping in the dark is dissolving now, or will be dissolving soon. Let yourself settle …. A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help you to become detached, and a new awareness will lift the veil from your eyes.
Traveling ~ 8 ~ Fire: Action
The tiny figure moving on the path through this beautiful landscape is not concerned about the goal. He or she knows that the journey is the goal, the pilgrimage itself is the sacred place. Each step on the path is important in itself.
When this card appears in a reading, it indicates a time of movement and change. It may be a physical movement from one place to the next, or an inner movement from one way of being to another. But whatever the case, this card promises that the going will be easy and will bring a sense of adventure and growth; there is no need to struggle or plan too much.
The Traveling card also reminds us to accept and embrace the new, just as when we travel to another country with a different culture and environment than the one we are accustomed to. This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.”
When I flipped that Traveling card over it totally made me smile. And think, of course! There is more to it, for all of us though, than just me and this next beach time jaunt. But before I go there, let’s address my disagreement with the first definition.
This deck comes from a specific belief system’s point of view, which is fine, not usually an issue. In this case, it sort of is. For me anyway. I happen to think that this DOES have something to do with the work we’ve been putting in, not just that we are a silent, and non-participating witness to our own lives, sitting aside and settling for whatever washes past us.
The Awareness card, when matched up in the traditional Tarot, is The Chariot. Which brings us back to TRAVEL! Now let’s look at the entire reading. True, there is a veil and we are looking past it, clearly viewing what we were previously unable to understand and apply. But we are able to do that right now because we’ve been focusing on our lessons, attending to our desires/needs, and living with an honest awareness of who we are/were/will be.
The Journey that is this life, the path we have chosen to walk and learn from, is very much in the forefront of our mind. We are making the conscious effort to BE in it, and to share the love of it that we now can access. It IS about the Travel, and we know that now, because we are Aware.
Welcome to JulieLand 