Adjusting and Reconciling

             As we work on adapting, evolving, and doing better, our progress can be tracked.  What can also be monitored is our setbacks.  Both are perfectly common.  And yet.  One is clearly more desirable than the other.

            Or is it?  I mean, sure, falling down isn’t the way to success.  But maybe when we put them together, they add up to more, and it really is?

             When we talk about recovery or improvement we don’t always acknowledge (or even mention) the challenges.  It’s as if we’re thinking we can only share the “good” parts of our journey, not the struggles.  Wait, isn’t it possible though, that all pieces are positive?

             Those stumbles and fall-downs and roadblocks and detours?  They can be enormously educational.  And, it turns out, just as “good” as all the other experiences along the way.

             Right now we have been asked to look at

timing.

             Because even though we aren’t able to see the big picture yet, we are being reassured that we ARE on the right track, we ARE making progress, we ARE heading in the correct direction.

             I was in a situation yesterday.   It was super “normal” and very average for an afternoon of running errands.  But, it went ugly in a fast and unexpected way.

             Two end-aisle displays, on either side of me as I stood in line, just refused to be ignored.  I began to feel nauseous, sweaty, and hyper aware of my body (specifically of its shape, size, and age).

             It was too much.  I left.  I walked out.  I chose to save my mental health.  I went to the car.  Where I sat, in the rain.  It was so cool there, and refreshing.  Nicely overcast and gray, very soothing.  I slowed my breathing, focused on IN and OUT.

             I reminded my inner critic that I had value, that I was worthy, that I had as much right to be there as any of those other people.  (That the advertising in all of those products and images were fucking lies.)

             As I began to feel safe and centered, it occurred to me that this entire event had a purpose.  I was able to see the arc, the spiral, the activity of what had happened.

             This lesson dropped into place, exactly when it was supposed to.  As do they all.  As does our entire life here.  The timing, as they say, is divine.  Not necessarily because of outer sources, but because of our own inner strength and power.

             It’s us.  We are in charge of our blueprints, even if we’re not in control, we do have value.  We do have worth.  And we see that, just when we need to most.

 

 

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