If not Equal, then Level

             Merry Equinox to one all All!  Okay, maybe not ALL.  But in this time of chaos, what you won’t hear from me is anything topical, medical, global, nor political.  None of that in this space right now.

             It’s everywhere else, it doesn’t need to be here.  Instead, we’ll be focusing on Care.  Care for ourselves.  In whatever form that takes.

             Care for others, if we are able.  Again, in whatever form that takes.

             There is to be no judgment at this time.  We can’t afford it.  We are all doing the best we can with what we have.  To say that Our Way is “better” than someone else’s is to cause the biggest hurt.

             We don’t know how others are coping, we must look only within.  We must be more gentle than ever.  We must be kind.  Patient.  And filled with LovingKindess.

             I’m not negating the fact that many of us are in pain and discomfort, and that we shouldn’t experience our feelings.  While we acknowledge these emotions, we have to remember about permanence.  Nothing lasts forever.   Not even horrible and weird uncertainty.

             We have control over how we react.  And how we move forward.  Or, how we may be sitting still.  We have control over how we breathe.

            During this moment, let us allow ourselves (and each other) to Be.  To breathe.  To have some space and some healing.  It can only help.

 

 

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Adjusting and Reconciling

             As we work on adapting, evolving, and doing better, our progress can be tracked.  What can also be monitored is our setbacks.  Both are perfectly common.  And yet.  One is clearly more desirable than the other.

            Or is it?  I mean, sure, falling down isn’t the way to success.  But maybe when we put them together, they add up to more, and it really is?

             When we talk about recovery or improvement we don’t always acknowledge (or even mention) the challenges.  It’s as if we’re thinking we can only share the “good” parts of our journey, not the struggles.  Wait, isn’t it possible though, that all pieces are positive?

             Those stumbles and fall-downs and roadblocks and detours?  They can be enormously educational.  And, it turns out, just as “good” as all the other experiences along the way.

             Right now we have been asked to look at

timing.

             Because even though we aren’t able to see the big picture yet, we are being reassured that we ARE on the right track, we ARE making progress, we ARE heading in the correct direction.

             I was in a situation yesterday.   It was super “normal” and very average for an afternoon of running errands.  But, it went ugly in a fast and unexpected way.

             Two end-aisle displays, on either side of me as I stood in line, just refused to be ignored.  I began to feel nauseous, sweaty, and hyper aware of my body (specifically of its shape, size, and age).

             It was too much.  I left.  I walked out.  I chose to save my mental health.  I went to the car.  Where I sat, in the rain.  It was so cool there, and refreshing.  Nicely overcast and gray, very soothing.  I slowed my breathing, focused on IN and OUT.

             I reminded my inner critic that I had value, that I was worthy, that I had as much right to be there as any of those other people.  (That the advertising in all of those products and images were fucking lies.)

             As I began to feel safe and centered, it occurred to me that this entire event had a purpose.  I was able to see the arc, the spiral, the activity of what had happened.

             This lesson dropped into place, exactly when it was supposed to.  As do they all.  As does our entire life here.  The timing, as they say, is divine.  Not necessarily because of outer sources, but because of our own inner strength and power.

             It’s us.  We are in charge of our blueprints, even if we’re not in control, we do have value.  We do have worth.  And we see that, just when we need to most.

 

 

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In Mercy

             When I’m shown a sign numerous times, or am directed someplace over and over, I know it’s a big damn deal.  This week was no exception.

             While my desk job is soon to be going through a huge operational systems change, I have been keeping the worry in my back pocket, trying to ignore the low-key stress I feel about how much trouble this will cause.  Simultaneously, I enjoyed some fantastic days off/family moments.

             This is my reality.  And I’m getting better at the juggling, the prioritizing, the putting one aside to face the other, then… switching gears.  I’ve worked really hard to get here, and it makes me proud to say I put in the hours, the tears, the pain, to reach this point.

             (I have a long way still to go, but the progress is evident.)

             My improvement is also being measured in the way I treat myself.  I’ve granted allowances, I’ve fashioned a sort of metaphorical shawl of grace I reach for when I start to spiral in a negative direction, draping it over my shoulders in comfort and tenderness.

             I extend compassion to my younger self now too, I look at her as someone who maybe should have been given understanding instead of being assaulted.  I don’t hold her responsible as I once did.  I have relieved her of the burdens she should not have been carrying.

             Who the Universe has brought forth for this lesson is one of my true favorites.  When she kept showing up (in SUCH unexpected and random ways), I smiled, and thanked her.

“Quan Yin

The Goddess of Compassion

‘I recognize suffering in order to release it.‘ “

             To live in honesty and with genuine empathy for those around us, we must show ourselves this same care.  We must forgive our younger selves.  Forgive our past selves.

             Once we move through and beyond the sorrow, the guilt, and the blame, we can often see an innocence in our ignorance.  To show compassion is to accept that we’re all learning, we’re all growing, we’re all trying to do better.

             Would we berate a loved one for actions they couldn’t change, or origins they had no control over?  Never!  So, it only seems fair we grant the same clemency for ourselves.

             Allow lovingkindness, first for ourselves, and then, rippling out into the world.  It’s what Quan Yin suggests.  And I agree.

 

 

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Being In Our Lives, Moving Through Our Lives

             As we all know, and now it’s a meme, our assigned task here is the journey.  Not the destination.  But, because we’re flawed animals, we forget.

             Recently I was made aware of a clever way to remember.  The phrasing is catchy, and it lyrically brings this message home.  I like direct, and I like alliteration.

             Here is what the Universe would like us to focus on right now:

Chance

Choice

Change

             What this means is, possibilities will cross our paths.  We are then given the option of what to do with various opportunities.  As a result of our selection, we can then alter our route.

             None of the choices are mistakes.  Just as none of the changes are problems.  No matter how or what we go with, we’ll learn.  We’ll do better.  We’ll improve.  Our forward momentum will be enhanced, which offers us additional avenues for helping others.

             Because that’s WHY we’re here!  I did like how this was worded though, it felt authentic and useful.

             Personally, this sang to me.  It sounded good in my head and when spoken outloud.  It also felt good.  Like, a gentle helping hand, instead of a jolting nudge to the ribs.

             We have to watch for those chances.  We need to feel the instinctive choices.  And then, with ease and grace, we must slide into our changes with comfort and free release of all that no longer serves.

 

 

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Unified

             We all know that there is no such thing as coincidence.  We are here for a purpose.  We have charted this life for specific and sacred reasons.  When we come across (or, more accurately, are directed to) people and information it is intentional and focused.

             I was recently fortunate enough to meet some incredible individuals (including these two, who had traveled half way around the world).  It was a gathering of like-minded souls.  A group of people who were drawn together for a healing experience.

             Planning the trip, driving there and back, sitting in the space, interacting … it was all meaningful.  It also resulted in showing me how far I’ve come on this particular journey, as well as how (very!) far I still have to go.  It was educational.  And painful.  But, like our lives, it had purpose.

             Yesterday, in between much family chaos (broken cars, lost phones, business upheaval), we landed in a shop called One World Eugene.  It’s at our local mall, and it’s recently moved down the lane into a newer, larger premises.

             Turns out, I was sent there by the Universe.  So we could hear this message:

“39 Oneness

Mani Ratna Mudra

Assists:

spiritual union, balance, integration

Benefits:

supports and balances all of the systems of the body.  Directs breath and awareness throughout the body.  Opens crown chakra.

Instructions:

bend index fingers inward and touch the tips to thumbs.  Join thumbs and hands with base of the palms touching.  Extend other fingers open.  Relax shoulders and move elbows slightly away from body.

Focus:

I experience the oneness of everything.

Practice:

take a few slow and deep breaths of expansion.  Bring awareness to the crown of your head.  Feel the sides of the crown, the top of the crown.  Feel the breath moving in and out of the crown.

Expand light out from the crown of your head upwards.  With each inhalation, light expands outward.  See yourself as a fountain of light.

Notice your connection to the moon, the stars, and the sky above.  Feel your light reaching up to touch all of the these elements.  Feel the connection to the oneness of everything up above.”

Resource:

Mudra for Awakening the Energy Body written by Alison DeNicola, illustrated by Sabina Espinet

             For the past 5 or 6 weeks I have been investigating mudra* philosophy, and beginning a practice of the methods.  To find this deck, to pull this card, to go these places, to meet these people, to learn the name of that store ~ well.  It’s not by chance nor accident.

*Pronounced as meh-draw, with the accent hard at the beginning.  Or as mood-rah, with an uplift at the end.  I’ve heard both.  (You could also google it, and they’ll say the word outloud.)

 

 

 

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